Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
