Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
