Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
