WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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