whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
