i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
