Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Less talking, more tequila
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
