Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
