god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
