Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
