I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
