Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
