Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
