you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
