I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
