dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
