I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize