I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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