And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You were trust falling into bushes
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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