On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
