That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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