I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Houston, we have a blender
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
