So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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