The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
