Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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