it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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