I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Less talking, more tequila
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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