He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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