I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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