im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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