farters have to be the big spoon...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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