shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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