Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
