This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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