he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
