Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
