he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
