I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize