I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
