She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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