ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
