I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize