I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
