Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
