You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
