We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
