I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
