I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
