You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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