closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
