LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Nobody cheats on THIS.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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