your parents love me but you hate me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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