just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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