Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
