i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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