Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
