Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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