Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
