Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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