6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
