Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
