my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
