i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
