DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
