I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize